Thursday, 15 September 2016


Sooooo, I bunked off group therapy tonight. All too new, all new people, a journey back in the dark in an area I'm not too fussed on, and homework I probably won't be committed to do at this time. All too much, as I try to tackle the latest obstacle at hand, thanks to the DWP.

But luckily the one true counsellor I trust, calmed me down a little this afternoon, and I feel a bit less extreme, Downton Abbey drama about it. Just yet another life shite to fight through - at a time that again I thought I was on a slow road to recovery. Obviously not. Yet another illusion. Delusion. And I'm as emotional and low as ever.

Also failed to go to the gym today too. Meh. All due to last nights antics, and explosive upset stomach, I just didn't make it. Exhausted as soon as I got up.

I returned home to find the ESA report on my doorstep. My initial post below "Wow. Old blogs and bigger bellies" stands. Very generalised. I was clothed, washed, talking, travelled, I socialise twice a month! I MUST be fit for work !!! My behaviour and face was normal - if crying while trying to talk is normal that is. They failed to mention that. All this stuff I can do, is on a good day, but less so on bad days, and how many bad days do I get? At the moment the bad still outweighs the good.

*Have I cried this afternoon = Less Amazon, a little more Avon.
*Have I exercised > Nought to Olympian = No. But walked to my counselling - really hoping that counts?
*Anxiety level > Nought to butt explosive = Whoosh!
*Level of worry > Nought to Armageddon = Zoom zoom!!
*Dark thoughts > Nought to Da.Vader = An accidental boiling water scalding did it for me. Honest. Attempts to descale the kettle - fail.

Tomorrow is another day. A Friday. This can only be a good thing, 

can't it?

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